JG's Pages for Poets ( and the occasional prose)
Page No S6
As previously stated on our page No 1 Bill's humorous prose is not to be missed
so please enjoy it.
The whole package normally sells for £39.95 but I can get it for only £19.95 (plus postage and handling). Despite advancing years, I am still a sucker for the advertising man. I couldn’t resist the temptation of spending only seven minutes per day to get a flat, firm, sexy stomach. The seven simple exercises in the video smooth out and flatten the muscles - (other abdominal exercises only build up your abdominal muscles!). I have sent for the video, and here is the exciting bit – as a bonus I will get, free of charge, a seven minute Buttock Shaping Video to give my buttocks the shapely firm-as-steel look - (shapely buttocks can be the sexiest part of a person’s body). But there’s more – a free seven minute Leg Shaping Video which even includes thigh! They are being rushed to me. For all I know there may be a whole series – the seven minute Saucy Ankle Video, the seven minute Seductive Toe Video.
It was just the same with the Free Financial Health Check. You will remember the advert on the television. In the home of an elderly couple a smartly dressed man is closing his briefcase. He has an air of benevolent efficiency and his voice is firm and reassuring.
“I have just given you a very thorough Financial Health Check” – he smiles attractively – “and I am pleased to say that if you follow my prescription you will have sound financial health for the rest of your lives.”
He shakes hands and leaves. The couple move contentedly towards the patio doors, holding hands. Soothing music and dimming lights cue in the voice over –
“If you want a healthy financial future, have a Financial Health Check NOW! Get in touch with your nearest Allied Life representative.”
I could hardly wait. My nearest Allied Life representative lives next door. At half past eight next morning I was in his driveway as he backed his car out of the garage.
“Have you a minute, David?”
“No. I’m late for work already.”
“You know that Allied Life advert on the box last night.”
“What about it?”
“I want to have a Financial Health Check right away.”
“Bugger off,” he said as he drove up the road.
It wasn’t at all like that on the telly.